The Legend of the Lost Missouri Elk

As you know, Kevin…the great outdoorsman, and his trusty sidekick Rusty never ceases to amaze us with finds only great hunters like them can wrangle up!!

This adventure might top the list! You may not be aware that Southwestern Missouri once had a great many Elk, an ancient herd that somehow vanished without a trace under mysterious circumstances. Legend had it that the herd was holed up in a secret valley in the middle of the Mark Twain Forest that was only accessible through a secret cave entrance. It turned out that the entrance to that cave was behind Kevin’s house! One morning, his wife’s dumb dog made the normal morning doody trip out back and discovered the entrance behind a bush. And from the depths of the cave there came a bellow that sent that dumb dog sailing into momma’s arms as though she had been bitten!!

Well as soon as Kevin heard the news he roused Rusty to meet him there just as soon as possible. Lantern in one hand and his trusty sling shot in the other Rusty rode up in a hurry on his valiant steed named Speedy! Stupid dog had discovered the “lost herd”!!!

As you can imagine as soon as the herd saw Rusty and Kevin, they took off in full stride…. heading for none other…then the Bering Strait…that’s right…they headed to Alaska to make a great escape to Siberia!!!

Well Kevin and Rusty didn’t think twice…they mounted up along with stupid dog and gave chase!  As the herd bounced from The Alaskan Peninsula to the Diomede Islands, Kevin, Rusty, and stupid dog were hot on their heels. With temps close to -50 below zero it was only a matter of time…this herd must be stopped…as they headed for the Yenisei River Kevin devised a plan. He pulled from his satchel…his trusty Paul Bunyan flannel shirt, let out his best Tarzan yell (which is sort of pathetic) and he and the blue ox he was riding disappeared over the horizon followed by stupid dog…Rusty was left dumbfounded…(of course).

The next thing you know, Kevin appears driving the entire Elk herd in front of him with stupid dog running around keeping the strays in line.  Kevin and Rusty began the long trek home, knowing that they had the monumental job of slaughtering, skinning and distributing meat to the poor in front of them. On the bright side…boy…they’ve got a great bunch of elk leather to sell!

The moral of the story; if an old Iowa transplant and a Missouri hillbilly can’t do it, probably NO one can!!

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